Waiting on Test Results

This is about the old time lag between the test and the results. (Yes, this makes two posts on "lags!" LOL.) After my sylvan Thanksgiving visit and close-encounters with Mother Nature, I proceeded into the world of high-tech the morning following my return home. I had an MRI - also known as a "Magnetic Resonance Imaging" test so that the medical establishment (and my doctor) could have a look at the internal state of my neck.

I've had MRI's before. Not to mention PET scans which use a similar technology - or at least the same kind of donut machine. Depending on the test seems to determine the length of the tube. The tests have been kind of fun - in the past. I have seen various parts of my bone body over the years. And I've got to tell you, my bones are simply stunning to look at. They are things of beauty. Text book, not to mention rather lovely in their shape. It's the soft tissue with which I have challenges! Both in use, and in beauty of appearance.

This test, however, although producing a lovely image of my cervical region (yes, I always look at the pictures after. That's half the fun!), was particularly brutal to get through. Perhaps it was because it was so close to my ears and brain - but the noise was almost unbearable - in spite of the earplugs and the thing holding my head in place. It became torture by sound for almost 20 minutes. The noise, in addition to being loud, seemed to drill repetitively into my skull for incredibly long periods of time. If the technician hadn't checked in with me after 10 minutes - I would've aborted the test. And these things aren't cheap! Esp. as my health insurance hasn't even agreed to cover it yet.

Afterwards, the techs said you could tell it was a machine designed by a man because the noise factor hadn't been taken into account. Rather like mammograms. However - in fairness to the male sex - anyone, male or female - so enamoured with the efficiacy of their creation - probably wouldn't think of the noise factor. Because it is a rather marvelous invention. It just needs upgrading really fast 'cause I'm not sure I could take another session like that again.

Anyhoo - back to the test lag. I wasn't being tested for anything serious. I don't think. I hope not. And there lies the rub with having a test. You're used to being you before a test - esp. a health test. You're almost comfortable with the symptoms - assuming they're not immediately life threatening - after all, you've (or in this case, I've) been living with them for some time. But they're not going away. And in my case, they've gotten a bit worse. So. You wonder. And then you have a test.

Presumably, I'll find out the results this week. I'm not sure whether I want to know if there is a definitive problem in my neck. On the other hand, if it shows nothing, what does that help??? And, if there is a problem, is it fixable? By surgery or physical therapy? (Do I want to go there?) Or can I trade in that part of my body and get a bionic one? If there isn't an apparent problem, is it simply in my mind? What next, then? Talk therapy?????

That's the problem with tests and the time lag before you get your results. The uncertainty and the worry. Even if you try very hard to ignore the whole thing. 'Cause your symptoms keep reminding you of the test! Tests - in whatever category - are rather like hurdles. There's your life as you know it before. You jump over the hurdle, and your unknown life begins. Maybe the lag time between test and results can be compared to the time a horse and rider is suspended in air over the hurdle. The big difference being that the horse and rider know really fast how they did. It's us humans with our checks and balances and bureaucratic procedures that force us to stay in a state of uncertainty long enough to become completely paranoid! LOL.

Not to worry. My symptions are not serious - I hope! I've lived this way for some time now. And, if push comes to shove, I could manage one way or the other to go on this way. I suspect my main worry is that I'll have a humongeous amount of physical therapy to do - and I really don't like exercising by rote. Hell, I've never been fond of repetitive exercise. It's very taxing. Not to mention, extremely boring. Sigh.

I would guess that the old test lag is rather like purgatory. It's neither here nor there. It just is. Again - probably character building. I wish you the absence of "lags" in your life.

And so it goes....

Holiday Lag

We've got jet lag. Why not holiday lag? Or post-holiday dislocation?

It's the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I traveled to my sister's the day before T'giving and returned home yesterday afternoon. I had a lovely time. We were in the country and the utter silence was amazing. Well. It wasn't total silence. Nature made herself known, but even the animals we saw all seemed to be on a mute button. Unlike in my condominium, there were no neighbors living above, below or next to our walls. We were the creators of our own joyful noise at their house.

What did we do? We basked lazily in front of the wood stoves. We played darts. We saw a herd of deer. At one point, I startled a mole and a cotton-tailed rabbit. T'giving morning we went for a walk on a nearby railtrail and saw the most magnificent hawk fly lazily across our path. And the sleeping? Superb. No one to wake you up several times in the middle of the night. The silence was almost loud in its quietude. It was as it felt - far, far away from my life - with "civilization" close enough by not to cause panic in this surburan dweller.

And then I came home. Being back feels completely unreal. It's something like the jet lag you get when you travel by plane for 6 or more hours after going away for a week. Being home does not feel like home. Perhaps it is because the preparation for and then, celebrating the holiday was so tightly scheduled. We all wanted to make the most of the time we had for the holiday. Now, I'm back to being my own deadline maker. I'm not liking it much, even tho' I sometimes craved alone time while surrounded by family!

Yes. I unpacked, put my leftovers (yum, leftovers!) in the fridge and thought - o.k. Now what? It had been cloudy all day, when near sunset, the sun broke through under the edge of clouds. The sky was amazing. There were reds, purples, oranges, pinks, mauves, greys, whites, darks and colored wisps. Thankfully, I went out for a drive simply to watch the whole sky. It was beautiful.

Then I was home again. Things still felt strange. They have all day today, too. Yes, I have appointments, dates, maintenance work, plans, etc., etc., and they all seem unreal. This happens to me at Christmas-time too. Holiday lag shows up in the feeling that you're living a kind of quasi-real half-life until your world rights itself (or re-asserts itself). Or the lag ends when you've gotten so involved you don't realize you're back in the swing of things - until you suddenly wonder how long ago you actually went away on a holiday. Maybe it would feel differently if I hosted the festivities at my place.

I imagine any host or hostess of a holiday event - complete with family and guests - never suffers from holiday lag or dislocation. After all, the host is at the epicenter of the holiday. Their life never stops for the holiday. It is all an ongoing part of the hosts' lives. It's the guests, who, upon returning home, need to figure out where they were when they left, and restart their lives. And sometimes, the restarting takes a few days to figure out. It's a bit like the broken sleeping patterns you get after you've flown through several time changes.

The other (and biggest for me) drawback to holiday lag is that it allows far too much space and time for unpleasant thoughts to grab your attention. Perhaps holiday lag is meant to be a character-building time. Me? After all these years, I'm kind of tired of building my character. I'd rather other folks built their characters.

I'll have to think about this hosting business.

Lost M'Cell Phone...Again!

Damn it! That's twice within one year! O.K. it may show up in the oddest place when the pixies decide to return it. And yes, it's not like I had a brain burp and left it at the park, like last time. After seeing it on my counter after charging, my latest cell phone has disappeared from my consciousness - rather like I was abducted by aliens who did all sorts of things before wiping my mind and returning me to planet earth - all within a millisecond (well, o.k., more like 24 hours). Kind of feels like it too. Having been "connected" to the electronic world for some time now, it's rather disconcerting not to be available, or have the world available at the push of a button. Hello, instant gratification. Hard to lose that, too! Like cigarettes....

Actually .... It's tempting to use the abduction theory in conversation to explain much of my past year. Would be a lot more satisfactory to see people's reactions (a straight face is essential) than telling the boring truth of my life. LOL.

Now, as it's major travel time for Thanksgiving, and l'll be one of the travelers, I thought it would be a good idea to stay in touch by getting a TracFone. That way, I can call for help - well, that's the plan. The TracFone was recommended by my sister who swears by it, and uses it to keep track of her kids. It is a simple phone, with basic features (no G2,3 or 4) and you buy your air time as you need it. Inexpensive, too! Honestly, if the pixies decide to keep my phone - I may stick with this new phone. I rather like the new number, and it actually gives me more time and coverage than my proper cell phone. Unless, of course, I become a 24/7 media-dependent, excuse me, a media-connected business woman who needs to stay in touch.

The woman at the store said "Maybe you're not a cell phone person." She may be right. I find it rather cumbersome and annoying to remember to watch out for my cell phone. I believe I am meant to be a telepathic person. Unfortunately, no one can give me printed directions how to use my telepathic talents, yet. I keep trying, but it takes a hell of a lot of effort. Also, it gives me a headache to try. Well - it's either telepathy, or a cellphone implanted directly in my head - so if someone calls me - the number would pop up across my retinas, and all I have to do is tap my ear to answer the call. To make a call, I could tap a tooth, subvocalise a name (i.e. "call Mom") and voila! The call would go thru. To talk - that'd be the usual way. Obviously, I was born way before my "time."

At the very least, I have an inexpensive new toy. I am a definite fan of new toys. I still go into promising toy stores whenever they cross my path. You can get some really cool stuff. Then again, there are the upscale hardware stores where you can get some super cool mini-gadgets - but that's another post.

So, reconnected with the electronic world, I surge back into the flow of life! Or something equally noble. Live long, and call me!

Day After Election Day

This will be brief because, quite frankly, all the voters have simply had it with this year's mid-term elections. And so have I. Why?

Well....I don't know if it was only in the tri-state, New York metropolitan area, but this year's elections seemed to be less about the issues and more about smear tactics. It seems that I have never heard so much, or such relentless negativity broadcast at my eyes and ears - every minute of every day. If it had gone on much longer, I'm almost sure there'd be YouTube videos of candidates "bad" behavior - rather like what happened to Palladino in New York's gubernatiorial race. Few of the political candidates seemed to care to show what they had done or what they planned to do for the populace.

Thank God it's all over. Well, every where there's a clear winner. I know some recounts and lawsuits are being prepared even as I type. This was an extremely ugly campaign time. I'd be amazed if the electorial process didn't lose more voters this year. There was constant blame and shame and attack thrown down ad nauseum. All of us common folk, who were supposed to take arms against one or another candidate - by yesterday - just wanted the whole circus of negativity over and done with. Hopefully, the right people got "in" though Lord knows what it is they're going to do!

Let me not get too much into the amount of money spent on these elections. You'd think it was another Presidential election the way candidates were spending money on both coasts of the United States. It's sickening. In some cases, the amounts equalled the gross national product of some smaller "third world" countries. To think of what good they could have done by contributing that money to the Red Cross, or feeding the hungry in this country, or building low-cost housing or funding alternative energy sources and research, or even establishing medical clinics for the uninsured - it's mind-boggling and tragic.

What's worth that much? Job security? Prestige? Power? And who gives it to them? Are we as voters - that easily led? It all makes me wonder.