Happy New Year 2011

Yes. It's December 31st. I can only blame my long absence on the kerfuffle that leads up to the Christmas holiday, the weather and the recovering from aforesaid holiday. Throw in maintenance health visits, etc. and the time flies! Considering the drama of the recent weather across the world, I hope that everyone is where they want to be, and that they're safe now.

New Year's Eve and day is a funny ole holiday. It's kind of a between-times holiday with a certain amount of unreality for me. As a child I remember these riotous parties my parents would throw, the ball would drop in Times Square in New York City and everyone would leave 1/2 hour later. Aside from having to relearn how to write the year, my overall feeling was "is that it????" Thank goodness some cities and towns have at least started having fireworks to mark the calendar turn over. More fun.

I also find it fascinating that it is a national holiday. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having holidays off from work and life. It's just that aside from a page turning on the Gregorian calendar (thus refreshing the calendar industry), New Year's is rather a non-event. New Year's doesn't even have a pagan or cultural figure attached - there's no planetary movement or St. Valentine. Heck, the Super Bowl conjurs up more excitement (not to mention domestic repercussions).

I'm wondering if it became a holiday out of sheer necessity. The necessity of recovering from the widespread consumption of gallons of alcoholic beverages "celebrating" the end of the old year - that the first day of the new year had to be devoted to hangovers. Perhaps it was done so the industrial workforce could simply blow off steam - in a culturally approved manner. Certainly, it's a great idea to review the year that's past and make new goals for the new year. Or was it simply so that the over imbibers could count their sins from the night before?

The practice of New Years celebrations seems to be mainly a European export which has, in the last 100 years, taken over much of the Northern Hemisphere. Folks who celebrate religious new years - rather than calendar new years - I wonder what they think of all this hoopla. How did the Gregorian calendar seem to rule the world's timekeeping? Was it one of the Popes? Can we point to the Catholic church? The industrial revolution? Politics? or simply Money?

Whatever the cause, however you choose to mark this eve and day - or not - I wish you a Joyful, Healthy, Prosperous and Loving 2011!

Comes The Dawn

I came across this poem again. It's a favorite of mine. It disappeared into my sea of papers when I moved five years ago. It's a clipping taken from a newspaper from an old Ann Landers column where she had reprinted it at the request of a reader. The clipping is so seemingly ancient, the paper is yellowish brown and brittle with age. The poem itself is timeless. Here it is.

"Comes the Dawn"

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

"After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today,

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine

Burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden, and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye, you learn."

Namaste.

Santa Sighting!

It's true! I saw Santa Claus yesterday, and not in his usual locales. Yes, o.k., it's the pre-Christmas season, and there are Santa's helpers dressed like Santa all over the place. They are helping to collect money for good causes. They are busy attending parties in hosptials, ancient age living facilities, singing at concerts, and even helping to sell cars. And toys are collected all over the country to go into Santa's red sack for distribution to children everywhere. Santa Claus is a great humanitarian. He really helps out the economy by allowing his image to show up on every piece of merchandizing available during the Christmas season. Why do we all like Santa Claus? Well, those of us who aren't Grinches, adore his loving generosity and merry spirit.

Lord knows, Santa has a lot on his plate this time of year - so why would he show up in my life? My answer is.....Why not????? There he was as large-as-life, and in-the-flesh! (Typing those expressions down does make me wonder where they came from. They're kind of creepy. Anyhow....) How did it happen that Santa was there? Let me explain. I had been out for the day at an appointment and doing my weekly food shopping on the way home. The interstate sounded chock-a-block with cars, so I decided to drive the back way. Less traffic there, the scenery's a lot nicer, and there are a lot of pretty Christmas lights.

At one point, there I am with my car paused to turn onto the next street - when a shiny, new red truck came up, and turned in front of me to go down the street I was leaving. Santa was driving! Honestly. Santa was driving the red truck. (Maybe he uses a truck for daytime travel in suburbia.) He was wearing his hat and red suit. It matched the color of his truck. And his beard was full, and snowy white. His cheeks were rosy and round.

I was so thrilled to see him, I just grinned. I sat there in my car, oblivious to any thing else, watching Santa make his turn in front of me. When he saw me staring at him, Santa smiled at me and waved. I waved back. For a brief moment, we connected. Then....we both continued our respective travels - me, with a lighter heart.

I love magic when it crosses my path. Santa's crossing was magic for me. It was wonderful to see him. Whoever says that Santa doesn't exist - just isn't looking.

A Bookstore Cafe Refugee

Hello. I'm sitting here in Borders cafe which is not where I usually choose to spend my time. I am a refugee from my bathroom. Well, it's more accurate to say that I'm a refugee from the guys in my bathroom. Ever since my super arranged for the leak in my bathroom ceiling to be repaired, I have made every effort to give them free range to do the repairs without me hanging around. It's also a sound tactical move as toilet access is severly compromised.

So far, I've managed to be busy for the past 4 days with appointments, etc. And then, the universe, to be helpful I'm sure, put my "check engine" light on in my car. So I spent much of yesterday chillin' in my friendly car service waiting room. But hey. It's Friday already! I'm tired of running away from home. I wanted to sleep in this morning. I'm tired of trying to find my toothpaste and toothbrush. They, along with my hairbrush, have been migrating all over my apartment, wherever my impulsive reasoning has left them. My towel has been staying in the bedroom, but I keep forgetting to take it whenever I wash my hands. O.K., I admit it.... Whine, whine,whine. It's unsettling not to have stuff where you're used to having it. There's also the small problem of not getting any of my work done!

This simple repair was supposed to take 2 days. It's amazing how dispossessed I feel. Part of the problem is that the "compound" has needed to dry each day. So it's not just the lack of toilet access. I cannot shower, and steam up the room. Yes. It's true. I have not showered for 4 days. I know. So. In an act of desperation, I called some good friends who live a mere 9 miles away, and I will shower at their place this afternoon. Yes, the universe willing, I will be clean and happy tonight.

In the meantime, I am deeply grateful for bookstore cafes. Not only do they offer an addict a convenient shot of caffiene surrounded by my favorite entertainment, they're nice. (Mind you, an unexpected shot of steam can be startling while you're working.) Bookstore cafes are a wonderful alternative to escape to when you need to "leave home" for whatever reason. I've never been able to enjoy working in a library. It always feels so constrained. There's no coffeecake either! I also frequently mutter to myself when I'm thinking, and that's frowned upon in a library. In a bookstore cafe or a coffee shop, I'm just regarded as strange. :) So, on behalf of myself and all other refugees from their homes (or lives) - please keep supporting your bookstores so that we have a place to go!

The Sky's Come Back

Yes. O.K. The sky is always there. I'm talking about my particular patch of sky. But, just for a moment....

I have to ask you. "How often do you actually stop, and look at the sky for, say, 20 seconds?" Go ahead. Look up. Use your eyes to explore all the sky you can see for 20 seconds. It's longer than you think. Try it. You'll find it's longer than checking to see if it's going to rain soon - without making you late for your next stop. Where ever that is. The sky can be rather beautiful. Especially if you remember to breathe.

Now. The main patch of sky I call mine is what I can see from my living room windows. There are two, and being right next to one another, they create an almost picture window. Usually, I can see quite a bit. This morning I realized my sky had doubled in size. The clouds seemed larger, more dramatic with the morning sun giving them incredible depth. At one point, a tiny sliver of silver silently crossed the blue depth between two monstrously gigantic white cottony clouds. It was like a children's story book illustration. That tiny, silver sliver was a "jumbo" passenger jet plane - so small as to seem unreal. It was all incredibly beautiful.

Where did all this space come from allowing my eyes to roam?

I finally figured it out. Very simple. All the leaves are gone. And I do mean gone. They've gone from the trees, gone from the vines, gone from the bushes. Autumn is done. What the leaves have left behind are living bones between me and the sky. The naked trunks and branches allow me, now, to see almost twice as much sky through my windows. They've become part of my sky. Perhaps it is Nature's compensation for the cold temperatures and long darkness at night. During the short days, with no leaves in the way, we get to see twice as much light. The canvas has doubled in size. The sun and clouds can really play with design, contrast, color, light and changing forms. And having it framed by my windows not only gives me a more focused view, it also makes it more precious.

In the summer, my patch of sky is half as big. So, yes. In a very real way, now that the Winter Solstice is fast approaching, the sky has come back.

How'd It Get to Be December???

Yes. I know. December does tend to follow Thanksgiving very quickly. It's just that this sudden download of Christmas everything is throwing me off my stride! I am SO not ready. My sister's already talking about where I'm going to sleep when I come visit for the holiday, where they're going to put me and what they can put me on. (This can be it's own special type of nightmare.) I haven't even concentrated on shopping for presents yet, or sending holiday cards, or even preparing myself mentally to guard against all that tempting holiday food. Sigh. At this rate.... with this lack of my emotional preparedness, the New Year is probably going to be a great shock, too.

As a quick followup to my last post - the MRI test results were safely within the normal range, and somewhat inconclusive. (Mind you - continuing the theme of inner beauty - my neck bones look really good.) My general doctor type is convinced I've got carpal tunnel, instead. He feels that there is nothing wrong with my neck, and has scheduled a neurological test for next Wednesday. I figure the two fellows can fight it out over the new test result, and that by Christmas we'll all have some idea what's going on. Or not.

Now, throw in the fact that my annual checkups fall into this same month, my December will be spent mainly with the medical profession. Much to my insurance company's dismay, I suspect, I'm going to be spending more time with medical types than my friends! Maybe they'll serve hot Wassail in the drs' offices. Well, I can hope. Or maybe I can sing the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's "Messiah" at each visit. Either that, or the Dreidel Song. Are there any Kwanzaa songs?

Yes. Where is that childhood joy and anticipation of the holiday????? Oh right. The medical profession has decided that I'm human, and therefore, totally vulnerable to deep biological damage resulting from living on this planet. The only way to save my sorry human tush, is to examine and/or test the hell out of it. No wonder we age. Dealing with the medical profession would age anyone! I'm beginning to understand why some folks avoid going to the doctor at all.

Well, it is December, and I choose to look for the magic in the holidays. People are already being nicer to one another. Colored lights are popping up all over. These may be the longest nights of the year - but the Christmas lights that blossom in December really do create their own magic. Whatever the reason, this season is still kind of fun.