Crossroads

The simple definition of crossroads is the place where two roads meet.  In my case, the crossroads in question feels like part two of the Merriam-Webster definition which states: "A point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences: 'we stand again at a historic crossroads'."  From where I'm standing, the decision(s) I need to make will potentially only be historic to me.  Also, from where I'm standing, it's not simply a question of whether to turn to the left or the right or even, to take the road less traveled.  No, the crossroads I see for myself have from five to eleven (and sometimes, even more!) routes criss-crossing each other at this point in time, and I seem to be left in the middle of a major intersection dodging situations, and peoples's lives as they shoot by me on their paths. 

Being stuck in the middle of a major crossroads dodging traffic, is the only explanation I have for where I've been for the past month, and why I haven't posted anything in that time.  Now, if I was choosing between heading for the lifeboats or staying on the Titanic - there'd be no hesitation.   Well, o.k., I'd still hesitate. 

At least, it would be clear that I had three choices: 1) going in wee lifeboat with Molly Brown and possibly surviving; or, 2) staying snug in my state room with my head under a pillow whilst the ship sank taking me with it; or 3) going for a North Atlantic swim while struggling against God knows how many layers of petticoats, skirts and whatnot, only to have hypothermia get me.   Now, don't you agree?  There's a clear choice here. 

Actually...., one could choose the showy option (No. 4) and go for a neatly executed swan dive off of the ship's rudder as the ship went nose down into the ocean.  However, surviving a dive of that height (not to mention the close proximity of the keel) is somewhat questionable. 

Without Titanic decisions being offered, what I'm left with are a myriad of small life choices.  For some reason, their apparent smallness makes it all the more difficult for me to choose.  These choices do have the potential to lead to something bigger.  

Unfortunately, there are a whole LOT of them which can overwhelm me.   There's no mysterious little inside voice saying "your life is to be found in the mall," or an inexplicable conviction that I can run the country better than the President so I need to start by running for local office.  "Be practical" you might offer.  I could try to apply for work at a famous discount store, but I'm not at all sure they'd have me! 

It's not simply my work/career, it's also how I'm to live.  So, for the moment, I'm left looking, wondering and spinning about in the middle of my crossroads.  Maybe some God-like figure will take pity on me one day, gently take me by the shoulders, turn me in a direction and give me a shove, and simply say "Go."   Otherwise, I may spend the rest of my time, stuck in the crossroads - dithering.  So, if you don't hear from me.  That's probably where I am living.