The Comfort of Perspective or Not

Seven months ago, today - if you aren't OCD about number of days in a month - I wrote about being in the crossroads.  And, I also, rather self-judgmentally called myself "dithering" there in those crossroads.  


Over the past 7 months, it has slowly occurred to me that I was being rather an ass in determining my behaviour as "dithering."  Whoosh.  Talk about self-judgment!  Day-um.  No.  I was, and am, simply a soul living life.  Because every moment in every moment of our lives can be construed as a crossroads with a myriad of future possibilities streaming out from each nanosecond.  And, as we change or choose something from moment to moment - so too, do our future possibilities change.  And yes, some possibilities close to us, as well.   There is nothing wrong in that - at all - for any of us.  


It's become eminently clear to me that we all may secretly wish for that one dramatic event to change our lives - while being a little scared of it.  On the other hand, change while constant can be so subtle in our lives that we can be completely oblivious to it until we look back. The last time I wrote here, I was beginning to drown.  Since then, I've managed to surface enough to breathe.  Which I why I'm posting again.  


I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm going to do with my life, or even if I'll live long enough to achieve whatever it is I'm going to do.  Currently, having a temporary job, is providing me with a type of anchor which allows me to even consider a future of possibility.  I have no idea if this will lead to something or if it is simply another checkpoint in the course of one's life.  The best part of the whole thing(?)  is that I'm finally coming to accept that I am not supposed to set the world on fire.  Nor am I responsible for what other people do.  There is a measure of relief there.


Biggest challenge these days is finding ways to accept my self while still maneuvering my way through socially acceptable ways of living and working without judgment for myself or anyone else.  That - and finding ways of keeping a roof over my head, for I'm rather fond of having a place to call "mine."   And.....still, somehow in all that being true to myself.   Was it Shakespeare?  "To thine own self be true."   Man, oh man, that's got to be one of the most deceptively simple sounding challenges of life.  I envy and admire those who seem to have the key.  Then again, what role are we to play in this life?  


Enough philosophy for now.  Let me simply say that you may hear from me more often than every 7 months.  Perspective?  Who knows?  I'm just glad I'm willing to give writing a shot again.  Cheers!