My Thanks For My Friends

I've a friend who's heading into the rain forest of Peru to help them get clean water; I've another who's friend is missing in Western CT and is amongst the over 70 photographers searching the land to find him - its been three days; there's another who lunched today by the water in the sunshine with her young son; and one who's just had an operation, and is recuperating before going out and managing wildfires; one who's promoting a coffee for the benefit of her home country in Seattle; there's another who moved across the country, and discovered a new life with his family; there's another who worries over the health of her daughter, and yet, can still find beauty in the world around her; there's another conquering mountains with joy and love in his heart; and another bunch stunned and thrilled from the spiritual retreat they've been on; and another reviewing her and her mother's life as she goes through her mother's things; and another, celebrating the armed forces in which he so proudly served; and another who's suddenly grown up daughter just got married; and another who aches over the losses she's had this past year while forging steadily ahead; and another who worries about the state of our oceans and the sea life; and another glorying in future possibilities while ending her studies in Italy; and another who's best friend is a cat who loves to drink from the faucet; and another who paints with passion; and another who sees the miraculous in her young twins. 

It is truly an amazing fabric that is woven through these and many more connections, and I am truly blessed and grateful to be able to see - however briefly - through all of your eyes. My small, quiet life is made so much greater from knowing each and every one of you. You allow me to travel and explore with you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

Imploding

Imploding – “To collapse violently inward” per various dictionaries.

That’s the way it has felt for the past two Mondays.  Not necessarily all day long, though certainly longer than a minute or two.  It’s almost panic inducing.  And I find the repercussions can last for hours.   It’s a really ugly feeling. 

A lot of it has to do with the fact that another Monday has rolled around without earning any income to support my home and my life.  Yes, I know.  It’s kind of sad that my life purpose seems to be totally framed by whether or not I’m working.  Work has helped frame my entire life since school.  It has been especially important as I seem to be without a clue as to how to frame it for myself.   At the same time, I deeply wish not to be a victim of circumstance, because then you are truly powerless.  It’s very much a Catch-22 or a vicious cycle that I’d like to break.

I do not wish to be an insane person – defined as one who keeps doing the same thing, hoping for a different result.  I wish to make some changes.  I don’t see any possibilities at the moment that either a) want me, or b) that I’m willing to fight for.  All I know for certain is that I don’t want to go through that soul-sucking feeling of implosion, again.  It’s utterly destructive.

So, yes, to counteract that possibility, I need to do something so time consuming and/or new next Monday so that imploding won’t even be a remote possibility.  I’ve exhausted food shopping, going to the library, walking, buying coffees at Starbucks, going for long drives around my local communities.  And I don't wish to exhaust my friendships.   Most  other options require money that I’m presently trying to conserve, so yes, there is always volunteering.

The trick is finding the right volunteer opportunities.  I already volunteer one afternoon each week.  Other options I’ve come across don’t appear to be half so engaging – and….I’d really like to avoid the vampire-like behaviors of organizations who basically have variations of “oh, you’re so wonderful for doing that.  Can we put you down for this, and this, as well, in perpetuity??”  Once you’ve said yes to something, often an organization will squeeze you dry.  Why?  Because, as with so many of us, they would rather tap a ready source than cold call for new ones.  Volunteering is not always the answer here for me.  

   

So.  Obviously, my next assignment is to come up with something new for next Monday – at the very least.  Preferably, I’ll find something to take care of all my Mondays until I am next occupied with an income-producing occupation.  A creative challenge.  Hmmmmmmm.

So That's What They're For!

Silly, I know.  It's always a good reminder that February brings the BIG snows around here, and it's often preceded by bitingly cold temperatures.  And then, you go foraging around your closets and storage spaces looking for where you put your things from last winter.  With luck you find them.

The bulky comforter which has been taking up 1/2 the space hanging in your coat closet for most of the year; the puffy coat with a big hood (if you're lucky enough to have one) taking up almost the other 1/2 of your coat closet.  And then there are the boots, the gloves - light and heavy - the scarves, the hats, the ear muffs and...if you're very young - probably the snow suits.  You realize anew that there is a very good reason for having these things.  And, have you noticed how your scarves, etc. keep growing?  Usually it's a symptom of not being able to find last year's when you need them now!

This winter, I confess, I really did have that moment of...."so, that's what they're there, for!"  This a-ha moment occurred in the midst of my clearing out as much unnecessary stuff in my home that I could.  I was sternly eyeing all these things which hadn't been used in seemingly forever - and I wanted to toss them out.   When suddenly Winter decided to make itself intimately known.  All those bits and pieces of winter warmth and protection against possible frostbite are really necessary.   They certainly feel necessary.  

Do you have favorite winter clothing or an accessory?  Mine are the ear muffs.  I have three pairs.  I love them.  They almost make hats unnecessary.   Yes, o.k. they can look a little odd - esp. the huge fluffy ones, but they keep me warm as toast.  Their place in my home was never in jeopardy.  They're especially excellent when it's windy and you're shoveling snow after the storm.   Post storm snow shoveling is one of my favorite activities.  It is the one exercise you can do that is not only healthy....it also gives you immediate results!

It's January - Eeek! - And a musing

I realized today that following my last post, I could very easily see my readers (if they're out there) being left with the impression that the aforementioned dental session has been going on ever since November....leaving me toothless!  Happy to say, that's not the case.  All went well.  I still have the remainder of my teeth, and I am deeply hoping not to have a repeat of that experience.  The dentist's office is always such an immediate reminder that we're human and therefore, subject to constant change.  Kind of wish my teeth were invulnerable.  Don't you wish yours were?

Now, for a stray musing that's been recurring a lot lately.  Have you noticed how most people cross a street?  Not the ones who stick to the cross walks.  No.  I mean everybody else.  Everybody I've seen lately crossing the street - either while I'm at a light or having them cross directly in front of my car in the middle of the street - don't directly cross the street.  They all "angle" their way  across the street.

It's never a direct cross - i.e. a 90 degree cross from the side of the road.  You will notice this is true, even if the traffic is stopped in both directions.  Anglers will manage to angle as they weave their way through the cars.  And, of course, the more frustrating anglers tend to dawdle in front of your car especially if they notice you getting frustrated.  Many, many times these angle crossers seem to be doing it where ever and when ever they wish.  There is no apparent concern for their own safety.  Human vs. machine.  Or Human vs. Driver's reaction time and really, really good brakes.  It makes you wonder - are they all invulnerable?  Or do they all have a secret death wish?

Heaven help you if you comment on the fact they're dawdling away in front of your car, or that they've   scared the bejezus out of you because they just stepped out in front of you - irregardless of how fast you are going, and whether or not there's a green light.  You are most likely to be given the finger or sworn at most ferociously.  In one instance, I was hounded for about 100 feet, and sworn at for every step they took.  Truly - I did not start it by swearing at them.  I had shaken my arms at them.  I was just in shock.  Personally, I'm just really glad I didn't hit the child in the stroller when she was pushed in front of my car - in the middle of the street - from behind a van.  

At any rate this is not meant to be a rant.  It just puzzles me.  Don't folks realize that when they angle across a street - they are exposed to "vehicular traffic" far more than if they just go straight across?  It's a simple matter of geometry! lol.  And yes, I have to confess, when I'm feeling strong and quick of foot (if not impatient), I, too, will angle my way across the street.  It just seems to be an odd predilection for us humans to have when you consider  the general size and heft of  the vehicles on our roads.